There are two very distinct groups of people on dating apps. Those who are there to smell the flowers and those who are there to get to the finish line.
Likely, this is something you know. There are lots of people on dating apps who want to date-and-see. For many years, this was me. On dating apps I was clear about the fact that I wanted to enjoy dating and was open to a relationship but that the focus was on dating, not looking at the finish line goal of a long-term relationship.
Most of the people I work with here are looking at the finish line. They want a partner, someone to love and be in a committed long-term relationship and they struggle to enjoy dating and meeting new people who don't have the promise of 'forever'.
Does your dating profile tell others you are focused on flowers or the finish line?
I was clearly flowers and I believe that was why I had mostly positive experiences. I simply showed up to most dates with the expectation that I was going to enjoy the date. I smelled the flowers, so to speak. There were some flowers that clearly stunk, or that were not a scent I enjoyed, but overall, I met some really great people.
If you read my online dating profile, I clearly stated my intentions. Dating. Most of the heterosexual men I went out with didn't really believe me. They thought I wasn't being truthful and the more skeptical wouldn't open their minds to someone 'like me' being just interested in dating.
When you are focused on the finish line, you are more likely to find what you are looking for but less likely to enjoy dating. It's like chasing happiness. If you are chasing it, you don't experience it. You have to stop chasing it and just experience it.
I'm not advocating that you give up your goal of looking for a loving relationship, but you can also just enjoy the simple act of meeting another human on a date, even if this person doesn't turn out to be someone you want to see long-term.
Enjoy the time you spend dating. Be honest with your profile because when you start to lie and manipulate, you attract that right back. And always remember that the person who is meant to be your other half is out there. Be You in all your gloriously f'd up ways and be open to the other person and their fucked-up-ed-ness because when you find the right mix, you'll be fucking delicious together. Promise!
